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For Fun

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Ever thought you were funny? Yeah most people do...Here is some humorous stuff I've collected from the net.


  • So, are you going to give me your phone number, or am I going to have to stalk you?
  • There was no color in the world until I met you.
  • My psychiatrist sent me for an MRI because she thinks I have a magnetic personality.
  • Man: "Would you like to dance?" Woman:(looks at you up and down) "No thank
    you." Man: "Sorry, you must've misunderstood me. I said: "you look fat in those pants!"
  • It's my birthday! How about a birthday kiss? [Is it really your birthday?] No, but how about a kiss anyway?


  • "Haven't I seen you someplace before?"
    "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
  • "Is this seat empty?"
    "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
  • "So, wanna go back to my place?"
    "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"
  • "I want to give myself to you."
    "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
  • "Hey, baby, What's your sign?"
  • "Your body is like a temple."
    "Sorry, there are no services today."
  • "Your place or mine?"
    "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."


  • Check out this infected canker sore in my mouth!
  • The last time my head rang like this I woke up with a dead man next to me!
  • The last guy who ignored me is still on a respirator.
  • Wanna buy a gerbil?
  • (on an airplane)The pilot and I were in the same drug rehab clinic - he was doing much better when I left a  couple days ago.
  • I collect aluminum foil.
  • We're planning on leaving our bodies and meeting with the mother ship next Tuesday -- wanna come?

Taken from, and